9/03/2003
More random
Don't get too attached to the random thoughts...I lost my temp position as of the end of this week. Budget cuts can feel free to apply oral suction to my genital area.
-- Today was the first time I had black cherry soda in ages...4 or 5 years, at least. I highly recommend it.
-- Why are companies so pissed that you can fast-forward past commercials on Tivo? If I tape something on a VCR, then come back and watch it later, I got news for you jerkoff advertising types: I AIN'T WATCHING THE COMMERCIALS! Is the 0.5 seconds your product is on screen while I'm fast-forwarding THAT valuable?
-- There's an Asian guy at work whose cubicle I had to walk by to get a drink. On the outside of it, he has a little printout with his name, and an Americanized version next to it. Man, do I ever HATE that shit. H-A-T-E with every fiber of my soul. If I came from another country, the first time someone tried to Americanize my name, I'd be like: "Listen, you simple-minded isolationist yokel FUCK! It's a big world, and you're just a part of it. Learn to say my fucking name!"
-- If marijuana was legal, my commute would have been a hell of a lot cooler.
-- Know who I hate? People who flush before they take a piss. So, the guy before you didn't flush...so fuckin' what?! The average piss lasts what...30 seconds? You can't live with the smell that long? If there's ever a water shortage, I'm coming to find you so I can drink your blood, you stupid wasteful prick.
-- Awesome sight on the subway today...on the Grand Central to Times Square shuttle, in a subway car PACKED to absolute capacity, this blind guy pushed his way through the car, playing an accordion and just slamming into people. Me, I love shit like that...I love that look of absolute disdain that the commuter zombies give to anything that disrupts the usual routine. And, this guy had the added bonus of not asking for money or anything like that. Free entertainment, that's what it was. That's why I don't consider myself one of the zombie herd...I still have my sense of humor.
-- British soccer commentators have the greatest scoring-play calls in the world..."pass up to Thierry Henry...he's done very well here...OH, THAT'S BRILLIANT! ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT! WHAT A BLINDING BIT OF MAGIC THAT WAS! SCINTILLATING STUFF FROM HENRY!"......SO much more colorful and fun than "touchdown, 49ers!" or "from way downtown, BANG."
-- I want some of what Trey Anastasio was on when he wrote most of his lyrics.
-- It's amazing where wisdom comes from. When I worked nights at Wal-Mart, all us drones had to take our break at the same time, which we did at the cafe thing up near the registers. They're beeping away (even at 2 AM, the one I worked at is jumping), and this dude (who will NEVER be known as "smart", or even "decently intelligent") hushed us, so we can listen to it...and, in time with the beeping, he's saying: "Dollar, dollar, dollar, dollar...". It's unbelievable, when you think about it. That particular Wal-Mart pulls in like a million dollars a day. A DAY. And, it's not even their biggest moneymaking store! Think of how much money we're talking here! The descendents of ol' Sam Walton can probably buy their very own mid-sized country at this point. "Welcome to Belgium! Always low prices...always!"
-- Today was the first time I had black cherry soda in ages...4 or 5 years, at least. I highly recommend it.
-- Why are companies so pissed that you can fast-forward past commercials on Tivo? If I tape something on a VCR, then come back and watch it later, I got news for you jerkoff advertising types: I AIN'T WATCHING THE COMMERCIALS! Is the 0.5 seconds your product is on screen while I'm fast-forwarding THAT valuable?
-- There's an Asian guy at work whose cubicle I had to walk by to get a drink. On the outside of it, he has a little printout with his name, and an Americanized version next to it. Man, do I ever HATE that shit. H-A-T-E with every fiber of my soul. If I came from another country, the first time someone tried to Americanize my name, I'd be like: "Listen, you simple-minded isolationist yokel FUCK! It's a big world, and you're just a part of it. Learn to say my fucking name!"
-- If marijuana was legal, my commute would have been a hell of a lot cooler.
-- Know who I hate? People who flush before they take a piss. So, the guy before you didn't flush...so fuckin' what?! The average piss lasts what...30 seconds? You can't live with the smell that long? If there's ever a water shortage, I'm coming to find you so I can drink your blood, you stupid wasteful prick.
-- Awesome sight on the subway today...on the Grand Central to Times Square shuttle, in a subway car PACKED to absolute capacity, this blind guy pushed his way through the car, playing an accordion and just slamming into people. Me, I love shit like that...I love that look of absolute disdain that the commuter zombies give to anything that disrupts the usual routine. And, this guy had the added bonus of not asking for money or anything like that. Free entertainment, that's what it was. That's why I don't consider myself one of the zombie herd...I still have my sense of humor.
-- British soccer commentators have the greatest scoring-play calls in the world..."pass up to Thierry Henry...he's done very well here...OH, THAT'S BRILLIANT! ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT! WHAT A BLINDING BIT OF MAGIC THAT WAS! SCINTILLATING STUFF FROM HENRY!"......SO much more colorful and fun than "touchdown, 49ers!" or "from way downtown, BANG."
-- I want some of what Trey Anastasio was on when he wrote most of his lyrics.
-- It's amazing where wisdom comes from. When I worked nights at Wal-Mart, all us drones had to take our break at the same time, which we did at the cafe thing up near the registers. They're beeping away (even at 2 AM, the one I worked at is jumping), and this dude (who will NEVER be known as "smart", or even "decently intelligent") hushed us, so we can listen to it...and, in time with the beeping, he's saying: "Dollar, dollar, dollar, dollar...". It's unbelievable, when you think about it. That particular Wal-Mart pulls in like a million dollars a day. A DAY. And, it's not even their biggest moneymaking store! Think of how much money we're talking here! The descendents of ol' Sam Walton can probably buy their very own mid-sized country at this point. "Welcome to Belgium! Always low prices...always!"
