Time for a goddamn rant...

I never did get to see that Arsenal game. Fox Sports World, in their infinite wisdom, gave BOTH the 2 PM AND 8 PM slots to the Manshit United-Aston Villa game. Now, I knew that I should be used to the entire world dangling from Man U's johnson, but you know what? I'm not. And, now, you get to hear me bitch about it.

I understand that you have to take for granted that any entity with stupid amounts of money is going to attract fame, attention, and more than its fair share of bootlickers. However, Man United makes the New York Yankees look like a salt-of-the-earth organization. Really. Oh, Manchester United...how much do I hate thee? Let me count the ways:

1. They're above the law, to an absolutely sickening degree -- Look back at the "Battle of Old Trafford". The Man United players took part in the same handbags-at-six-paces (and, really, that's all it was) that Arsenal did. Now, look at the punishments involved. The Arsenal players got multiple-game suspensions and big fines, while Man United players got practically nothing in comparison. Meanwhile, the press was baying for Arsenal blood, while making it seem that poor United was being picked on once again (I'll get to the press...believe me). Man United players can surround a referee like crazed savages whenever a call goes against them, and they get away with it. Ruud van Nistelrooy can give Greg Lougainis a run for his money, and almost never gets taken to task for it. However, Robert Pires, who hits the deck at around 10% the rate that van Cheatingcunt does, is labeled a cheat and a diver. How does THAT work? Ryan Giggs elbows a Russian player in the face while playing for Wales, but he just happens to get off on a technicality long enough to play the return leg. I guarantee you that if it was John Hartson (keep in mind, Celtic are not a poor club), he would have been banned until approximately 2048. I'm not a huge fan of the Yankees (to put it mildly), but when their players do something wrong, they get held accountable for it. Even Don Zimmer was rightly taken to task for his part in the Pedro Martinez fiasco. Jeff Nelson and Karim Garcia are having to face up to beating up that Boston groundskeeper. If you substitute John O'Shea, Ole Gunnar Solskjaer, and Paul Scholes for those three, would the punishments have been the same? I doubt it.

2. They're sickeningly above the law, the Rio version -- All I'm going to say here is that if a Birmingham or Newcastle or even Arsenal player "forgot" to take a drug test, they would have gotten the full two-year suspension, and probably been forever blacklisted in Mark Bosnich territory (I bet you he's slumming it somewhere in the Belgian Seventh Division when his drug suspension is up). But, since it's Manchester fucking United, he has the players' union backing him up, and the press making excuses for him, and their mindless drone fans saying he didn't deserve even the 8 months he got. Also, I love how the suspension was pushed back to allow the Manks to have Rio until the busy Boxing Day fixture list was passed. That sure was a nice Christmas present from the FA.

3. The press -- Well, I basically hit the points I was going to make. But, to recap, Man United seems to have the same relationship with the English sporting press that George Bush has with the spineless American press. That is, they can do no wrong, no matter what it is they do. Even the merest transfer rumor is treated with the same "Well, why on Earth would they turn United down?" air. I especially love the ones that naturally assume that Arsenal's (or Newcastle's, or any other top club's) top stars are going to jump into United's bed at the first chance, like they were Kylie Minogue, and we were Oprah Winfrey. What the FUCK?! I once spent 3 months in London, and read the papers every day...it got to a point where I wanted to hit Fleet Street with a napalm bomb.

4. "All hail the conquering heroes...or something." -- If I see one more team go into Old Trafford and lay down without a fight, I think I'm going to start clotheslining random passerby. Why is it that even the Portsmouths of the world come into Highbury ready to make a glorious charge into Valhalla, but the same types of teams do their Jenna Jameson impersonation the second they walk onto the Old Trafford pitch? It's sickening, shameful, and just plain fucking gutless.

5. Their fans -- Look, I can understand that Arsenal fans do a lot of the same stuff with Tottenham fans. But, they ARE our local rivals, and the fact that Tott'Scum fans still think they support a big club leads me to believe that they need to be knocked down 10 or 20 pegs...for their own good. But, in general (not as a whole, as I know some cool Man U fans), they're a bunch of smug, ignorant pricks. Hell, they make Yankee fans look like Mr. Congeniality.

6. "There's only two sets of rules in this game! Errr....wait a minute...." -- Outside of that AWESOME anamoly against Chelsea this season, when was the last time Man U got a penalty called on them at home? Hell, or on the road, for that matter. When I'm early for games at Nevada Smith's, they tend to have the video of last season's Manshit United highlights on, and every 30 seconds, I see van Divingcheat taking a penalty. However, there's a distinct lack of anything going the other way. Isn't that just amazing? While I don't recall Man U winning the Fair Play Award any time recently, it seems to me that in crucial situations, they ALWAYS get off the hook. I don't want to beat it into the ground, but compare Man U's cards to Arsenal's cards over the last 4 or 5 seasons. With a psychotic freak like Roy Keane in their side, how are they not up there with us?

So, in conclusion: Hey Manchester United! Kiss my sweet Irish ass, you pricks!


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