This article is stupid.


Going position by position:

David James: The Zidane thing is fine, especially because he's probably full of shit in the fact that Zizou was not on the set pieces videotape. However, slagging a guy off for diving the wrong way on penalties? The FUCK?! Something like 75% of all penalties are converted, and many of the ones that miss are off the woodwork or not on net at all. I knew already that the English sporting press were the Kings of Unreasonable Expectations, but that's just ridiculous. As for not making a notable save, sure...most likely. However, England's defense was pretty good for most of the tournament. While I've only been following the games on Soccernet's own match commentaries, I got the impression that he didn't make any real howlers either. Sure, he didn't steal a game for England, but he wasn't directly responsible for any either (as for the Zizou free kick, blame that lazy muppet Emile Heskey for fouling so close to the area in the first place). An insane pick, especially when Zdravkov from Bulgaria is RIGHT THERE.

Paulo Ferreria: Yep..the guy is so terrible, HIS FUCKING TEAM IS IN THE FUCKING FINAL. Not only that, he mentions that he was one of the best defenders in the Champions League, but still mocks Chelsea's purchase of him. Because, of course, one bad pass that results in a goal completely offsets helping a mid-level team win the Champions League (diving and cheating and more diving aside).

Marcel Desailly: No complaints here...he should have retired from international play after his horrid World Cup 2002.

Jens Nowotny: Germany's problem had nothing to do with their backline, and everything to do with a mind-numbingly boring and predictable offensive setup. Poor Michael Ballack had to do everything himself, and if you're not in a World Cup group with Saudi Arabia and some other random jobber, then yeah, that's not going to work so well.

Mikael Silvestre: Again, overexaggeration to a ludicrous degree. From everything I heard, he was brilliant for Manchester United last season, and I hear they're kind of an OKish squad or something.

David Beckham: When England win something, or even are brilliant in defeat, the players are gods who can do no wrong. The 1966 World Cup team is still deified, and I'm sure they'll be droning on about the 2003 Rugby World Cup champions for decades to come too. However, when a mistake is made to contribute to a loss, you wouldn't believe how many knives come out from how many different places. Beckham wasn't THAT bad...you want to blame someone? Blame Sven-Goran Eriksson. The time has long since passed for him to move on back into the club game. International football is about a balance of attacking and defending, using intelligent passing to break through defenses, and instilling a never-say-die spirit. Sven is shite at all three, as evidenced by the World Cup semifinal against Brazil where he used a long ball tactic straight from 1957.

Phillip Cocu: This was, of course, written before the Portugal game...where he had a blinder in defeat. It's funny how many free kicks are conceded during a game by just about everyone on a given team...many in dangerous situations. But, if you don't concede on the one Player A gives up, it's immediately forgotten. But, Player B has the opposition score on the one he concedes, and he's The Worst Bastard Ever. It's fucking luck, you retards.

Stilian Petrov: He does seem to be way better for club than for country...and he does have a hair-trigger temper. This isn't a bad choice. Actually, you couldn't have gone wrong picking the entire Bulgaria starting eleven for this feature.

Francesco Totti: This is all true.

Christian Vieri: Again, spot on with this one.

Raul: The no-brainer of the entire thing...what a nightmare this guy had.

The subs are all fine, except for Ovchinnkov. I don't know how you can blame the fucking goalkeeper on a team that is 100 times more boring than England have become. That, folks, is a major accomplishment.


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