9/04/2005
It's a celebration, bitches!
Sorry for the lack of updates lately...I've just been tired and overworked.
Anyway, I present to you an Open Letter to the Mexican National Football Team.
Dear Mexico:
Good morning! We hope this letter finds you well, and your plane safely arrived home from Ohio. Hopefully you enjoyed the trip...we certainly enjoyed having you. That said, we just wanted to address that whole thorny issue about who the best team in the region is. We know that you guys held that title for a long time, and it meant a lot to you. It's OK, we understand. And, we further understand that many among your number cling to a delusional view of the past, that being that you guys are still the kings of North America, Central America and the Caribbean.
We wish to free you from those delusions.
Let's get it completely straight, Mexico. Unless the game is played at 8000 feet, you cannot touch us. Ever. If you held even the slightest hope in your hearts that you were still the dominant force in CONCACAF, than 7-1-2 in the last 10 games should give you pause. On the biggest stage of the world, the World Cup, we beat you by the same exact score that we beat you by last night. However, unlike last night, you at least contributed some offense to the World Cup match and at least made a game out of it. Last night, we fucking owned you, like you used to own us.
Jared Borgetti, we congratulate you on your transfer to Bolton Wanderers. Not only will you fit in very well among the hack merchants that Walrus Face Allardyce has accumulated, but I'm also sure Mr. Allardyce was thrilled to see you completely in the pocket of a barely-older-than-a-fetus fullback who plays for Standard Liege. Then again, some might call it karma for being an absolutely odious and obnoxious cheating asshole of a player.
As for the rest of you, good job that you had a referee that let you get away with your shit, eh? Good luck in the World Cup, where the chances are much better that the referee is going to punish you for attempting to remove players' ligaments from their legs with the studs of your cleats. Do you know why you had to resort to that, curiously? Because you wish you had someone with the pace of DaMarcus Beasley. You wish you had young players of the quality of Landon Donovan. Oswaldo Sanchez is decent, but is not in Kasey Keller's league. And, just wait until you see Freddie Adu...you're going to LOVE him.
So, by all means, continue to hack and dive and cry to the referee every 0.3 seconds as is your norm. That is indeed what inferior teams do to try and beat a superior opponent. We understand. That said, we wish you the best of luck in Germany. You're not seeded (you know, because you didn't win the Gold Cup and all...oh, who won that thing again? Hmmmm...oh....right...it was us!), so good luck in that Group of Death...give Brazil or Germany our regards. We'll allow ourselves a smile when you go three-and-out in 2006.
Cunts.
Sincerely,
The US Men's National Team
Anyway, I present to you an Open Letter to the Mexican National Football Team.
Dear Mexico:
Good morning! We hope this letter finds you well, and your plane safely arrived home from Ohio. Hopefully you enjoyed the trip...we certainly enjoyed having you. That said, we just wanted to address that whole thorny issue about who the best team in the region is. We know that you guys held that title for a long time, and it meant a lot to you. It's OK, we understand. And, we further understand that many among your number cling to a delusional view of the past, that being that you guys are still the kings of North America, Central America and the Caribbean.
We wish to free you from those delusions.
Let's get it completely straight, Mexico. Unless the game is played at 8000 feet, you cannot touch us. Ever. If you held even the slightest hope in your hearts that you were still the dominant force in CONCACAF, than 7-1-2 in the last 10 games should give you pause. On the biggest stage of the world, the World Cup, we beat you by the same exact score that we beat you by last night. However, unlike last night, you at least contributed some offense to the World Cup match and at least made a game out of it. Last night, we fucking owned you, like you used to own us.
Jared Borgetti, we congratulate you on your transfer to Bolton Wanderers. Not only will you fit in very well among the hack merchants that Walrus Face Allardyce has accumulated, but I'm also sure Mr. Allardyce was thrilled to see you completely in the pocket of a barely-older-than-a-fetus fullback who plays for Standard Liege. Then again, some might call it karma for being an absolutely odious and obnoxious cheating asshole of a player.
As for the rest of you, good job that you had a referee that let you get away with your shit, eh? Good luck in the World Cup, where the chances are much better that the referee is going to punish you for attempting to remove players' ligaments from their legs with the studs of your cleats. Do you know why you had to resort to that, curiously? Because you wish you had someone with the pace of DaMarcus Beasley. You wish you had young players of the quality of Landon Donovan. Oswaldo Sanchez is decent, but is not in Kasey Keller's league. And, just wait until you see Freddie Adu...you're going to LOVE him.
So, by all means, continue to hack and dive and cry to the referee every 0.3 seconds as is your norm. That is indeed what inferior teams do to try and beat a superior opponent. We understand. That said, we wish you the best of luck in Germany. You're not seeded (you know, because you didn't win the Gold Cup and all...oh, who won that thing again? Hmmmm...oh....right...it was us!), so good luck in that Group of Death...give Brazil or Germany our regards. We'll allow ourselves a smile when you go three-and-out in 2006.
Cunts.
Sincerely,
The US Men's National Team
